community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
