well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
