Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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