So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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