I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
