I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
