I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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