Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
