hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
