I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
