Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
