Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
