apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
