So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
