My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
