All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
