I have demons in me.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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