I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
