why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
