we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
