I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
