She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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