I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
