just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
should my penis look like a turkey
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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