Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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