you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
