Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
