I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
