How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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