dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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