You're completely useless in the revolution.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
