i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
