Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
