so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
