I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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