I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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