Im at strip club and am horny
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
