Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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