I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
