Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
