conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
