did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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