i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
found the other keg... it's in the tree
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
