p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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