So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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