Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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