4 words: hood of his car
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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