haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
