well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Randomize
