Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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