Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
